So just to keep this thing updated, I have cut and pasted my last two posts in my “Need Advice Quick” topic in the forum. Mainly because I don’t feel like I could possibly re-hash all the fear and frustration I was feeling on this day – Monday, 9/16. I was glued to Tripawds on this day, in desperate need of any advice or support that anyone could offer. I knew in my deepest gut what I needed to do for Nesta, but I was having an extremely hard time accepting it. I was literally hanging on to the last words of people on the forum, waiting to hear them tell me that it was okay to go ahead and make the call. Shew, what a support system in a time of need! I just hope that I will soon be able to be that person for others in this same situation.
As a way to honor and remember some of their kind words of encouragement, I have cut and pasted the last half of the thread on here. But I also wanted to mention that it wasn’t only through this forum post where I received the support. I was offered support through the comments on my other blog posts, private messages, given phone numbers and emails to use – which I did! I also found a great deal of support by reading other’s blogs and understanding their own stories and perspectives. All of it was a true God-send.
Here is the last half of my blog post:
“Oh God. I did it. I just did it, something led me to just call him back. I called the vet and made the appointment and he’s going to be here at 7:30 tonight. This is the worst feeling in the world. That I have to say goodbye to my Nesta tonight. What the f%*! is happening?
Please pray for me and sweet Nesta tonight. I do not know how I am going to get through this. Tears are streaming.
I described everything to him and told him how I don’t feel like his pain is that bad, but he is still not eating and just existing. And he said ” At this point, you just have to realize that you are not prolonging his life, you are prolonging his death.” And I guess that is true, huh?
I think the only way to heal from this is to begin the process and to begin, I guess Nesta must go to Rainbow Bridge now.
What if he rallies again before 7:30??? Do I chicken out again? This is not an emergency, and I almost feel like I need one.
Thank you for letting me unload. This is ridiculous.”
Oh, Kassi,
I’m so sorry. I know this is such a difficult decision. Please try not to feel guilty. You’re vet said it very wisely, take comfort from those words. And know that Nesta loves you and knows that everything you do is to help him.
You will get through this. You will be sad, but that’s okay. And we will all be sad with you and be here for you. You will have many thoughts and prayers with you tonight and in the days ahead.
With love,
Carol
I’m thinking of you and Nesta now, much love and prayers.
Kat and A’Tuin
Us here, too. I gave Jackson an extra kiss and toy toss in Nesta’s honor. Nesta will no longer be in pain…but always in your heart. You’re doing the right thing.
~ Katy & Jackson
I’m so sorry Kassi. Please know that your feelings and indecisiveness is something we ALL go through at this point in the journey. It’s human nature, don’t beat yourself up. But I know that what led you to make that call was your heart. Listening to it isn’t something humans are very good at but when they do, the world around them eventually makes sense. It will someday for you too, but until then, this is just going to really, really suck.
My heart goes out to you. Nesta will always be loved and adored here. Please remember he won’t ever be forgotten in your pack or ours.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
I am sending you tons of love and hugs and strength. I can’t imagine how tough this is. I am so sorry you have to go through this
All my love,
Erica
Our heart goes to you at this difficult time. As hard as it was it was your love for Nesta that brought you to make that call. Your boy will not be forgotten.
Esther and her Snoop
ANd then my last post:Thank you ALL – so very much. I can’t tell you how much all of your words and compassion means to me. You absolutely helped me get through one of the most difficult weeks of my entire life, I really don’t think I could have done it without you all. I was glued to the blogs and forum posts, trying to absorb all the words of wisdom and trying to understand other’s experiences so that I could better cope with my own.
Nesta is now my very special angel spirit, he passed very peacefully in our arms last night around 9:45pm. Oh how I miss him so much already. My heart aches today, and still I don’t think it’s truly set in yet. But last night, I did feel a very calming sense of relief the moment he took his last breathe in my arms. He is free from pain and suffering now. Oh my dear sweet Nesta.
Thank you all again. With much love and admiration – Kassi {with Nesta forever in her heart}
Oh Kassi, my heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry. Yes, that sense of relief is real, as weird as it is to feel relief at something like that.
We know how much this hurts. Please know that Nesta’s life will always be celebrated and a source of inspawration for all of us, new and old members alike. I hope that helps you feel better in some small way.
Many, many hugs coming to you and your pack.
Kassi,
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts…so many of us here know. Nesta is at peace. I think it’s good that you felt that sense of relief because it means you know you made the right decision at the right time.
Nesta will live in your heart and your memories forever. He had a happy wonderful life, and he loved you so much. He wants you to always feel that love.
Take care of yourself.
Carol
It’s a wonderful thing we can do for our beloved pets. But it doesn’t make it any easier. We have to guess, sometimes, when the time is right. Other times, it’s obvious. As for Nesta, it sounded like “just existing” wasn’t any way to live. Compound that with pain, not eating, and discomfort…well… Nesta is in a good place now. He lives on here and in your heart. I’m so happy and at peace to hear his passing was smooth, sweet, and loving. A beautiful way to go. Wouldn’t that be the best for us? Run free and fast, Nesta. We miss you terribly! We all hope you’re enjoying your freedom. We miss you, Nesta.
~ Katy & Jackson
Kassi,
I’m so sorry for your loss of Nesta. Your love for him through this and to the end was strong and constant. The relief you felt is affirmation that as hard as it was you, you made the right decision for him. He knows and he will always be with you and in your heart.Esther and her Snoop
Kassi, I’m so sorry your Nesta is gone. That particular part of the journey is the very hardest part. Everyone one of us on these forums has been there at some point, so we all know how you feel. Please know that you did the right thing for your boy. He’s now running free with all the other brave Tripawds who have gone before him. Thank you for sharing your boy with us. You are in our thoughts.
Kassi,
I am so sorry about Nesta. I missed all the posts & blogs about this. RIP Nesta run pain free at the bridge.
I know this hurts so much. It takes time this I know.
Hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
Michelle, you were there. I promise. As was sweet Sassy.
Kassi, thank you for coming back tous today. We will always be part of your extended family…especially now. We understand like no others can.
We love Sir Nesta too. A dog like that just creeps into your soul and nestles in forever!
Your devotion and loving bond is heartwarming AND infinite!
NOTHING can take away that beautiful energy that Sir Nesta surrounds you with. And NOTHING can take away that beautiful energy that energy of your that surrounds Nesta. It’s there Kassi…it will always be there. We are all energy and, even after our earthly bodies dissolve our energies are still released into time and space.
This is sooooo darn hard right now…this suffocaring grief. Your neart is broken into a million pieces but the lovely memories that Sir Nesta made withyou will soon come forward and glue it back together again.
Sir Nesta could ALWAYS count on you being there. He could count on you when he needed you the most. He knew he could “show” you when he was ready to cross over. He is sooooo grateful for you giving him the highest, most selfless gift of love possible.
That sense of “calm” you felt? And I believe this with all my heart, that was you feeling Nesta’s sense of relief as all the discomfort left his body and all the good health and feeling great came flooding back in. Thats how strong the connection is you two have.
Kassi, I do hoe you’ll keep Nesta’s vlog going and co ti ue to share the lifetime of wonderful memories you two created. I know you have more great pictures to share. And that handsome boy sure does “beautify” our site!!
There’s one picture that I hope you’ll “re-post” soon because it was just stunning. It is a silhouette of Sir Nesta standing in sand/surf with a beautiful sky behind him……..it captured the essence of a lovely, content soul blissfully enjoying the oneness of nature……just being.
When you can, go into that state of just “being” and stand in the surf by Nesta’s side and let those memories of him frolicking through life wash over you. He loves it when he makes you smile!
Surrounding you with Sir Nesta’s grace and love….it’s there always…..step into now….yeah, feels good…….kind of gives your heart the “warm fuzzies”……….
Love and liht,
Sally and Happy Hannah
Sally, oh your words of comfort are priceless! I will do that, I almost can’t wait! To go to that place of stillness, in my meditations, and
“stand in the surf by Nesta’s side and let those memories of him frolicking through life wash over me. He loves it when he makes me smile!”
Love you.
Kassi, I’m glad to see you here. You’ve been on my mind and I was wondering how this week has been. Obviously not easy but for you to come here and post, well that’s a huge step and says a lot about the strength that Nesta is giving you right now.
When a Tripawds member is in pain or worried or whatever, this is why we are here. Before, during and after the journey, we will never leave your side.
xoxo
Thank you Jerry, That is such a warm feeling. LOVE is evident around here.
Kassi,
I missed your forum posts, so I am glad to see you back here. Please know you have been–and are still–in my thoughts.
-megan
If you need to be with people who truly “get it,” then this is the place.
Nobody is excited to help their dog make that final journey. On the other hand, it is almost a sacrament that we are honored to be part of. It’s a need that is a blessing at times, so Nesta was blessed to have you help him.
And now you have to recover from the loss. I wish I could make it easier. You and he were together for so much of your life, so it is a huge blow. But try to take comfort and pride in knowing that you made the biggest difference in his life, just as he did in yours. He would be proud of you.
Shari