A fur-filled Update

Gosh, I need to do some catching up around here.  A lot has happened in the past few weeks and yet not changed much at the same time. You know how that goes…  My heart is still trying to heal, from the pain of loosing Nesta.  It’s still very surreal and hard to believe at times that he is gone.   It’s hard to explain how I feel most of the time.  But I am writing a letter to Nesta, soon to be here on his blog.  I am also still working on his life’s timeline with every memory I can remember.  But I have taken a hiatus from writing about him lately, and I am not sure why.  I think that sometimes it’s just easier to not deal with the emotions and pain.  But then some days I crave the feeling of those emotions, and so I write.   It’s a personal process I suppose.   I have this fear that If I don’t get it all out right away, then I will forget something.  I’m afraid the intensity of the pain will subside before I am finished writing about him and that will cause me to not say everything I want and need to say.  But these are all silly fears, I know.  And I also know that everything happens just as it should in due time.

I celebrated my birthday on Oct. 25th, and that would have been mine and Nesta’s 11th anniversary together.   I got him as a puppy  as a gift to myself on my 24th birthday;  he was irresistible and only 7 weeks old.  11 years was not long enough, yet it was long enough – to create this immense and lasting love that I could not have even begun to imagine.   Our souls were attached at hello, and throughout the following 11 years, we created a relationship that can never be replicated again.

Well anyway, meanwhile in other news……..

On Oct. 18th I was in Lexington, NC, visiting my best friend from College, Lindsay, who was home from California visiting her family.  Her family has always been a favorite of mine.  They live in a beautiful log cabin on 50+ acres and her mom has been breeding Bernese Mountain dogs as long as I have known her.  No puppies were there at the time I was visiting, but they still have about 8 of the dogs who live in kennels on the property.  I of course always want to say hello to the dogs, it had been so long since I had seen them.  Deborah, Lindsay’s mom, mentioned to me there was one 2.5 year old whom she would like to try and adopt out.  Of course, I perked up because I had wanted one of her dogs since college, but then Nesta came into my life, and that had been laid to to the side.  This ‘extra’ 2.5 year old female had not been used to breed nor had been sold, because she has a defect in her eyes.  Her third eyelid shows all the time.   And so I called Kyle to get approval that I was thinking about spontaneously bringing home a new dog, and that she was big!

Kyle and I had been talking about dogs a lot lately, and we knew it was pending that we would soon be getting a puppy from his friend who accidentally had puppies born on his land.  We had talked about getting two dogs, as we have been blown away lately at all the dogs who need homes around here.  If we had a larger house, we would probably even try to fit 3 dogs, or for heaven’s sake, maybe even 4!  So despite all the talk of adopting one from a rescue, he quickly agreed for me to bring home this loving and beautiful adolescent Bernese Mountain dog.  So I brought her home and we fell in love quite quickly and named her Delilah.  Ten days later, we brought home the new 8 week old puppy.  The puppy is a mix bread – his mom is full Rottweiller and his dad is a mix who knows what!  It took us days to figure out a name for him and finally landed on Woody or Batman, or Woody Batman.  We are calling him Woody.  He is adorable, and really full of himself.  He and Delilah are getting along just fine, although there is an 80 pound weight difference right now.   We are all one happy pack, and I’m glad to feel happiness around dogs again.  Delilah has especially taken a liking to me; she is the sweetest thing!

And so it goes, life moves ever onward.  The love I have in my heart for Nesta will never be replaced.  And I already feel that my love for these dogs is heading down a different kind of path than my love for Nesta did.  And I guess that is okay.  I want my Nesta back, and I would do anything in my power to get him back if I knew I could.  But like my Dad has mentioned to me several times – the elasticity of the heart.   My heart is like elastic, it can hold infinite amounts of love, all different shapes, sizes and kinds of love at that!  So I chalk it up for whatever that’s worth and move on with my life; holding Nesta in my heart throughout eternity.

5 thoughts on “A fur-filled Update”

  1. Ohhh, it is so wonderful to hear from you!

    You’ve articulated your feelngs beautifully! I love the sentiment your dad shared about havng an elastic heart. Well said.

    And a lovely soul such as yourself, with so much to give to this world, so much love, so much insight, has to keep her heart open to “whomever” shows up to claim their space in your welcoming heart. Nesta already has picked these soulsout for you. He has specific reasons for bringing WOODY BATMAN and DAHLILA iinto your life…but you already kow that! Sir Nesta doesn’g share your “heart space” with just anyone ya’ know!

    As far as writing down all the memories, write when you feel that guided, grounded quiet space of connection…don’t try and force it when it’s not “right”…that’s when the pain of “loss” may become more of a “blockage”. During those more “forced” times, just jot down whatever “memory” pops up…just use e or two words…..and then, when you do get back in that guided, centered,connected place surrou ded by Sir Nesta’s light and grace, then you can expand on each memory and they will all start flowing freely from your soul through your pen.

    These memories are always IN you. They are guided by love and connection. Intensity may serve a purpose sometimes when writing, but it’s not a necessity. Not with the type of oneness that you and Nesta created.

    I cannot wait to see ictures of these two!! I’m glad you have two so they can enjoy “someone” of their own species to communicate with in”dog speak”.

    Ohhhhh this journey with these two is going to be so much fun! You HAVE to stay here and share this incredible journey! I KNOW it will be full of so many learning lessons! I’m sure Sir Nesta has big plans for his “expanded earth family”!

    I’m glad your “elastic heart” has embraced these two! I’m especially glad Dahlila will now know so much more than being a “kennel dog”.

    Now, we have a very special birthday to celebrate, as well as a wonderful union of two souls that began their journey of infinite love n the same day! So glad you BOTH were born and”reunited” with each other on your birthday!!

    The world is a brighter, sweeter, kinder, more enlightened and more loving place because you and Sir Nesta are in it!

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts today, as well as the WONDERFUL news avout WOODY BATMAN and DELILAH!!

    Love and light!

    Sally and Happh Hannah

  2. And I meant ro go back and correct the spelling on Delilah, but got too trigger hapoy with the
    “submit” button…apologies to DELILAH!!

  3. Excellent words and more will come along the way. There will be some that bring a smile and some that bring a tear, but all will be special.

    Congrads on your new family members. They sound wonderful and are so very lucky to have found you.

    Take care-
    Luanne and Spirit Shooter

  4. I am just grinning from ear to ear here… good for you!!! your love for Nesta will ALWAYS be in your heart… NOTHING can replace that.. but… our hearts are big enough that we can love others as well.. we open a few more doors and that room in our heart is flooding with new adventures and memories.
    You know the one good thing here? Is that we all understand your words… and you really don’t even have to explain how you feel because… we have been there.. are still there.. or will be there…
    So… congrats on the new additions!!!! They have one hell of a quardian angel with Nesta watching out over them…
    and of course… we need pictures!!!!!

    Christine….. with Franklin in her heart♥

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