This is so Frustrating!

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We are in the midst of the ups and downs, I suppose.  Nesta puked Tuesday night – a lot.  I think it was a result of giving him ground beef for dinner, which he enthusiastically scarfed down.  He never eats red meet and he ate a lot of it, which he probably doesn’t have room for in his stomach now because of the tumors taking up all the space.  So I am chalking it up to that.    And then yesterday morning, he did the same thing afte drinking a lot of water.  He was super lethargic and didn’t move from one spot in the house all day, seriously, for 10 hours.

But then last night, his gleam and glitter came back and he was walking around the house, drinking while standing at his water bowl, and interested in what I was cooking for dinner – just like always.  This morning he still seems more alive than he did yesterday- so much more interested and following me around the house!!  I’m so happy to see this, I love having my shadow back, but UGH, this is the most frustrating week ever!!!

Yesterday I even called the home hospice/euthanasia to make a potential appointment for today, but now it seems Nesta is trying to show me he’s okay.  He’s still weak and is not interested in going for walks.  But inside the house I can tell he wants to be with me, I feel guilty for spending so much time on my laptop lately.  I feel like I have been glued to TriPawds this week.  Thank God for this community!  I now wish I had been more diligent in writing posts about our days over the past 9.5 months.  There is so much we did, so much adventure, so much fun!   I guess I can go back in time and jot down some stories to remember.  Im trying not to have regrets about anything , but of course I do.  I just ordered his “Tripawds Rule” Bandana early this week, and he hasn’t even gotten to wear it yet!!!!!  Why didn’t I order it 9 months ago???  It could be broken in, stained and and beaten up by now.

All I want to do is lay on the floor with my boy and talk to him and try to figure out how he feels about all this.  I am even thinking about contacting a pet communicator, even though I feel I can read him already.  But I feel like they could provide some insight.  I wonder if anyone here has used a pet psychic before?  Here is a blurb from one’s website that I found today online:

 “Facing an animal companions dying process and death may be one of the toughest things we will ever go through in our lifetime.  Let Amanda help make this difficult time a little more comfortable for you and your beloved animal family.  She can   easily relay your animals’ perspective on what they are experiencing and what you can do as their caregiver to ease their journey into the Afterlife.”

 Amanda states:  “Communicating with animals that are nearing their passing and animals that have already passed is by far my favorite part of this work.  I feel a very special connection with animals that are nearing their departure or are no longer in their physical form. 

 “It brings me great joy and satisfaction to assist humans in finding the comfort and peace of mind, in knowing that death is not the end for dear animal friends; it may in fact be the beginning of a new and exciting journey for the two of them together.”

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6 thoughts on “This is so Frustrating!”

  1. If laying on the floor snuggling with Nesta is all you want to do , then do it. This your and Nesta’s time and these moments will be special to you and always be remembered.

    I have friends that have used a pet communicator with good results so if you think this would help go for it.

    Know that we are here for you thru the good and the bad.

    Blessings to you and Nesta-
    Luanne and Spirit Shooter

  2. Aw, man…sorry you are having a rough time this week. It just sucks!
    I love the picture of you and Sir Nesta on the top of your page! Absolutely Love It!!
    Hug Nesta for me and give him a special kiss on the nose, too.
    Don’t beat yourself up about coulda/woulda/shoulda…it’s a good time to Be.More.Dog

  3. These are tough times. I spent 3 months with Maggie after the second cancer diagnosis- day to day. I asked her all the time to let me know when she was ready. Mag also had kidney failure so getting her to eat was a chore, and I couldn’t use that as a gauge. I didn’t spend much time here during her last month- it was all about Maggie then. Doing the things that she liked (if she could), and we spent a lot of time together, just sitting… at the park, in the back yard. It was very intense, but rewarding too. Hang in there and take your cue’s from Nesta.
    Karen and Spirit Maggie

  4. Okay now… we go……B R E A T H E…..breathe in deeply……… E X H A L E slowly…repeat…………yeah, that’s good.

    Yes , you are in the ups and sowns and the day by day. K’m glad you got to see the “up” come back after thr rotten “down” You now have a glimpse int what’s going on and maybe wn’t fee as panicked when Nesta has an off day.

    And anything little thing can give him an off day when their systems are compromised. So, I know it’s hard, but try not to panic. For now, I think Nesta wants to show you he can come back!

    Yeah, smaller meals several times a day should help. Woof down that hamburger all you want Nesta…..just over four or five, or maybe even six meals a day!

    We can all relate about being consumed by the tripawds site and not being with our pups as much as we think we should. But, as you already know, enough is never enough when it comes to our pets!

    Do make a commitment to yourself and to Nesta…..from this moment forward, you will shove aside ANY “wudda’, shudda'” thoughts and be fuly present with Nesta! Infuse yourself with an energy that only allows the peace and joy of having Sir Nesta with you. Remind yourself that is ALL that matters right now.

    The tripawd bandanna……you can ut that on him as soon as it arrives and it will jave his scent forever…and probay a couple of hamburger stains too! In the meantime, what else do you have at home with scents and stains…beddng, blankets, toys…..? Yeah, you have plenty od things!

    Memories of this journey…cntinuing journey are all installed in your heart forever. One picture, one memory, will take you from one moment to the next…’s all there…all stored in your heart. Whenever one comes to you, jot it down, there will be plenty of time to share the wonderful memories of his adventure.

    Actually, “animal communicators” have been mentioned just rece tly on this site. Jerry must mentioned one…….it should pop up if you “search” it. I’ll go back and look because I think I rember which post it was on. You kow your Nesta though, and you seem to be tuned into every nuance he shares with you..

    Sooooo many of us have “insights” into other “dimensions” of this life through our dreams. In that altered state, we can make connections with our loved ones that our “logical, judgemental awake mind” won’t allow. Sir Nesta will always be connected with you and will always be communicating with you regardless of his “physical” presence.

    In nature…and we are all nature…nothing ever “dies”…it changes form and continues in a life-affirming way. An old tree falls to the fround…it becomes mulch and nutrients for the soil…new growth burst forth from it’s trasformation. It “trascends “death” and continues life…..just in a different form..

    For us, our energy contained in our physical body, does not disintegrate, it merely moves forward in time and space and presents itself in a different manner to us. A manner we cannot understand and shouldn’t try to, just accept and know that it’s there.

    I’ve rambled……probably in a nonsensical way!

    If you would like to have an ear, PM me and I’ll be glad to give you my phone number.

    You are doing a great job! Sir Nesta is having a good day. Relish in that! And for goodness sakes take photos! He’s here! Contentedly laying around photos are “warm fuzzies” too!

    We are here for you! Stay in the mo ent with Nesta! Live like a dog and be one! He’s loving having you by his side and that’s all he cares aout! Keep your energy upbeat for him! He’ll feel it! Do you have friends that he would enjoy seeing? Someone who always makes him happy to see? Someone with a good positive energy? It would be good for voth of you!

    Much love, peace and strentgh to you and the Magnificent Sir Nesta!

    Sally and Happy Hannah

  5. Please don’t have regrets…Nesta’s life has been wonderful because of you, and he loves you as much as you love him.

    Listen to Nesta, and to your heart.

    Thinking about you….

  6. First off, I’m really hoppy to hear that Nesta has his spark back. That is fantastic news! And hang in there, the US Mail will come through and I’m gonna bet you’ll get that bandanna today!

    Now, about animal communicators…YES! I agree, they can be very helpful. I was just suggegsting that idea to Sampson’s Mom. Check out these posts with our favorite communicator, Stacy K:

    Yes, the ups and downs of cancer really suck. It helps to be prepared though, so it’s good to be in touch with all of the procedures you’ll need to make sure that when his time comes it is peaceful and tranquil. However I hope that doesn’t happen for a long, long time.

    Keep us posted, we are thinking of you both.

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